When Shehzaadinama met The Delhi Walla.

So, of late, the best thing that has happened to me was being in the newspaper column, the blog and my favourite Instagram account of thedelhiwalla. I know most of my readers are aware of it but I wanted to let you know, what it really felt like. Months ago, the Delhi walla paid me a visit after a brief interaction between us on Instagram and the meeting was fixed, he was going to show up on a Wednesday at 7:00 PM. I tidied up my generally nicely kept house and was eagerly waiting for him. I didn't really know what the meeting had in store for me but I was definitely very excited.

People who know me, have a fair idea of how good I am with my phone(read Pathetic). I barely ever answer my phone, most often than not it is on silent mode (I know, that's terrible). I hate responding to Whatsapp messages(to the extent that I respond after days of having received the message), I disconnect calls when I am not in the mood to take them, basically, I am the worst. So, I was over cautious that day, I made sure that I am near my phone at all times because Mayank(thedelhiwalla) could call me anytime to ask for directions and I WAS sitting right next to my phone BUT, when he called, I had somehow started thinking about something and despite being right beside my phone I didn't see his call and of course the silent mode was still intact, because I can be careful but don't count on it. I looked at my phone only to realize that I was getting a call from him, I hade five missed calls and three messages and that panicked the shit out of me. 

Mayank, who sounded agitated at first, just for a second(I don't blame him, who wouldn't?) instantly forgot about it smiled and was the gentleman that he is. I apologized, he smiled and we came upstairs. He was curious to know, so I explained to him the living arrangement of my apartment, a student dwelling, he took his moment to take it all in, and said, "just give me a moment to look around. I love entering a new space for the first time.". I asked him if he wanted tea or coffee and he opted for tea. I went out to make it where I met my flatmate and her friend, both busy admiring Mayank and eagerly expressing how dapper and interesting he seemed, being nice enough, they offered to prepare the tea and I went to sit with the most awaited guest in the house. 

To be honest, I had no idea whether he wants to know about my books, my paintings, my literary interests or me. So I waited for him to ask and so he did. He asked me all about my life in Delhi, my life before coming to Delhi, How has it changed? What changed? Where have I been in Delhi? What part I liked more and Why? Why do I choose to live where I do? What books I like? Which are my favourite Shakespeare plays? and why? What do I want to research about?...etc. etc. (It obviously wasn't a rapid fire round, but I wrote it so to give a glimpse of what he asked.) Then he asked me about my room, about the decoration, the lighting(which he thought was "too good"), the quotes(he absolutely loved my board), the view outside, what I see when I look out from my balcony? Etc. 

I told him everything. An hour had passed already. It was so exciting to be interviewed by one of the best columnists of Delhi that I completely forgot(and so did he) to show him my library. I asked if he wanted to look at it and he eagerly agreed. He looked at my library and expressed that he loved it( won't put superlatives in there, although he did seem pretty impressed). Then we talked and talked some more. Then he took out, the much awaited, the elephant in the room, his wand, his amazing Camera. 

Do you know how it would feel if every move of your body was being watched(in a good way) and captured by a wonderful artist and turned into a beautiful picture? That's what it was. He just asked me to be who I am, do what I do at this time of the day, be in my space and forget about being watched or being captured(WHATT???!!!!) how could I? How could I forget about being photographed by THE Mayank Austen Soofi, in my bedroom and act like he is not there, when every ounce of my body wanted to savour each moment and click mental pictures of the same. But, I tried my best. I tried my best to be his muse for those couple of hours, and walk around, read, play with my hair (which by the way, he thought was beautiful). I do it unconsciously while talking, some of you might know. He must have taken hundreds of pictures and if I could, I would ask him for each one of them, get them framed and make my room a shrine, not of me so much as of that day, the experience and the fact that he visited. 

He took twenty minutes to remember everything that he learnt about me, wrote it in his notes and asked questions simultaneously. We had tea, I made him a fruit chaat, my Nani's special recipe, a family heirloom. He asked me about some more things and expressed that he would like to visit again for a couple of more ideas he had in mind and I just smiled and said, "I won't have it otherwise". 

So that's precisely what happened and I just hope reading this would make you happy because writing this did definitely make me very happy. It was a wonderful evening. An evening of my own in a room of my own.

Link to thedelhiwalla's blog: http://www.thedelhiwalla.com/2018/05/09/home-sweet-home-saloni-srivastva-old-gupta-colony/

You can find multiple pictures of my room in there, also the delhi walla's story about me. 

Breaking through: Living Alone blues

I am Twenty two. I live alone in an apartment in the Capital. As soon as people hear this, they bombard me with questions.Questions concerning my securities, fears of living alone in an apparently carnivorous city like Delhi where men see you as meat, then, they mellow it down to how do I manage my food or 'kill' my time, etc. etc. Thankfully, I face no issues in dealing with any of the above posed problems. In fact, living alone was a very conscious choice. It wasn't the first of course, but, when circumstances lead to it and I moved in an apartment alone, I questioned myself for not having thought about it earlier. Living alone is bliss. More so for people like me who are greedy for their own space and company.

The struggle is not the fear of a paranormal activity, robbery, theft or molestation. The concern arises during times when all I long for is a human company to bring me back into the real world from the parallel world I am then inhabiting or a chain of thoughts that has led me way too astray, into the real. It arises at times when you spend hours sitting in the same position, thinking, and you don't realise the amount of time that passed meanwhile. When a soul shaking idea recurs in your head and all you want is something to protect you from it or at least distract you. And there is no one. It is a fit of loneliness that either brings along restlessness or leaves you dazed. I crave to concentrate all my energies and thoughts in one place but pertaining to my womanly multi tasker mind, I can't. My mind wanders away in thoughts and places that I fear the most. I want to sleep it off but either insomnia hits or my overtly active subconscious keeps a dream picture of the same thought ready to haunt my sleep.

Those moments are horrifying but I HAVE to cope with them on my own. I have to wipe my tears off after an uncontrollable session of crying. When one cries, mostly there is someone to ask them not to but crying alone is a commitment. You know you will cry your heart out and then will have to shut yourself up. But when it's over you know you won't cry again. You learn to wipe your own tears and get back to work. You don't starve yourself too long because there is no one to offer you food or force you to eat. You have to help yourself. You are your own friend, the one who never leaves your side. It's really a fight between the conscious and subconscious. When your fears that reside in your subconscious overrule your stability by entering the conscious mind, you break. If you succeed in holding yourself together and act as a dam against the flowing in depression, you have mastered the art of living alone and if you fail, you will learn soon. Just don't give up.

Living alone makes you strong. It is frightening, challenging, back-breaking and demanding but, it helps you discover yourself. It is an experience, it's like your den, people come and visit but you're the one that lives and rules. If you're a lion/ lioness you will survive and your problems will fear you or become your meal ! And we all know "food" is always welcome, we know we shall finish it !

After all, there is always yellow light(I like yellow more) at the end of the tunnel.